Petrified Life and the Twice Told Joke
by Toxic Relations
Summary: alex is the main character it'll be femslash. it will be alexsummer and jodie will also be in the fic. it's pretty different, and it'll start off slow. the title is the name of a song by Gym Class Heroes.
1. It was funny though huh?

**Title: _Petrified Life and the Twice Told Joke_**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything that is officially owned by someone else.

**Pairing: **Not yet decided.

Chapter 1: It was funny though huh?

i(((((FLASHBACK)))))i

_Jodie often watched Alex while she was sleeping. She was always having nightmares…and they were _always_ about the same thing. She never really asked Alex what had happened. In-fact she was quite frightened of what the answer may be. Jodie just knew that something happened to her Mom. _

"_Why are you always staring at me?" Alex suddenly shot up in bed causing Jodie to fall off in shock._

"_Because…"_

"_Because why?" _

"_Because you always have nightmares, and I guess..."Alex cut her off._

"_You want to know what happened don't you."_

"_Yea, a little bit."_

"_Well, what all do you want to know?"_

"_What happened to your Mom?"_

"_I don't really know. First she was there…"_

**BACK TO PRESENT**

"Alex, Jodie! Time to go to school!" Jodie and Alex came running into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Mrs. Max!" Jodie and Alex both answered at the same time.

"I'm glad you two are up…a minute more and I would have sent Chico up there." She looked directly at Alex.

"Ew…dog slobber." Jodie smacked the side of her head.

"You better be nice to Chico!"

"Why? You're not nice to Bridget!"

"She chewed up my favorite pair of jeans!"

"Haha…better you than me."

"Okay! Let's just get you two off to school!"

"Oh, and girls…" Mr. Max had just walked into the kitchen. "Make sure you come back to the house before you leave."

"Yes Sir" "Yes Sir"

After they were out of the house they began talking about their trip that was to begin after school.

"So do you think we have enough money?"

"Definitely. We have like two thousand bucks."

"Good."

"Well Mrs. Max said they would be really nice. Maybe they'll even like…not totally shun us."

"But we've only met them once, and that was three years ago."

"We'll… we were good then, right?"

"I honestly have no idea."

"Punching Seth probably wasn't the smartest thing to do."

"It was funny though huh?"

"Yea...the being yelled at wasn't so funny though."

"Well, at least when I punched him I had a reason."

"I personally think you should have elaborated."

"Well the only reason he grabbed me was because he was drunk."

"But he grabbed your COOTER!"

**Should I continue? Should I not continue? I know it was really short but….yea. umm question. Should I pair Alex with Summer or Marissa….i really want to pair her with Summer but I've decided to leave it up to whoever reviews.**


	2. Is it a,,,

**A/N: Okay so alex punched seth…. And i really think I'm gonna be pairing alex with summer….mostly because of how different her background/character will be…. 'cuz in this fic Alex had a really strong relationship with her mom, and her mom's disappearance basically shattered her. I guess I just don't see marissa as the heals-all-wounds type. ….oh an here is a list of things you should know:**

**1.) Alex's mother disappeared about three and a half years ago. She didn't want to stay with her family (b/c they lived in a different state) so she moved in with Jodie. Jodie was the foster child of Mr. Maximus Ramsey and Mrs. Maxine Gallagher-Ramsey.**

**2.) Alex and Jodie were never involved and never really knew each other before Alex moved in with her. The only reason she moved in was because the folks knew her mother and were up for the challenge.**

**3.) Alex and Jodie come from the most redneck-havin, shitty little small town you can think of. We'll call it Edysville which I am sure prolly doesn't exist.**

**Chapter2: Is it a….**

Jodie and Alex were walking down the halls to their last class; "Mrs. Summer's" class.

"I am so glad we have our last class of the last day with her." Jodie always had the habit of perving on this particular teacher.

"At least we know we won't have to do anything." Alex finished the sentence as soon as she got to the classroom door.

"Hello, Mrs. Summer." Jodie said.

"Why do you two insist on calling me that? Just call me Mrs. Lynn like everyone else."

"You know you like it," Jodie took her seat. "And it's 'cause you're hot!"

"Hello, Mrs. Lynn."

"Hello, Alex." She smiled. "I heard about the trip you and Jodie are going on and I figured I'd give you a little present. I've taught you two for six years, and neither one of you has ever missed one of my assignments. You're very dedicated ….." Alex cut her off.

"I knew the only reason you kept switching grades was because of us!" Mrs. Lynn rolled her eyes.

"Just get Jodie and meet me by my car. Oh, and put someone in charge." Mrs. Lynn walked out of the building while Alex got Jodie.

"Jodie, come with me. Big Mike you're in charge." Everyone wined at the announcement…mostly because Jodie was drawing an orgy on the chalk board.

"Whatcha need, Dilly Weed?"

"Jodie, don't rhyme…ever." Alex started off in the same direction as Mrs. Lynn.

"Where are we going?"

"Mrs. Lynn said to meet her at her car."

**A minute later in the parking lot…**

"Hey you two, I got a surprise." Mrs. Lynn tossed Alex a set of keys.

"Holy…what do these go too?"

"Please tell me it's a car." Jodie pleaded.

"Sorry can't do that. I would never buy you two a car….but I did get you a truck."

Alex smiled, "Why would you do that?"

"Well I won a few million from a lottery ticket and I figured I'd do something for my favorite students."

"Thank you so much." Alex ran up to her and gave her a hug.

Jodie spotted a black Lincoln Navigator a few cars over. Her eyes welled up. "Is it a black Navigator?"

"Would I get anything else?" Jodie ran to her and gave her a huge hug.

"Thank you so, so, so much."

"No problem. I'll see you guys in a few months?"

"Definitely." "Definitely."

"Alex, give her the keys before she passes out." Alex tossed the keys to Jodie and watched her as she ran to the truck.

"I'm glad you remembered that."

"I know…" A few minutes passed before Mrs. Lynn spoke again. "They'll find her."

"Ya really think so?" Alex's mother had disappeared years ago. Yet she still hadn't given up hope.

"She's a strong woman. She'll survive."

"The only one who's still looking for her is Tommy."

"He may be a little slow but he's still a good cop."

"I know I just…" Alex's voice started to break. "People keep telling me to let go because she's already gone, but they don't realize that it's just too much to let go of."

"Believe me I understand." She paused. "Hey how about you two just take yourselves on home. I'll get Bobby J. to take your car home."

"Alright thanks." Alex handed her the keys. "I'll call you whenever I can and I'll see you as soon as I get back."

"Alright, tell Jodie I said bye."

"You got it teach."

"See you later."

"Bye."

**Okay so the next chapter will be out in just a few days. I know this chapter was completely meaningless but I wanted them to have a truck or something roomy…..for the sake of the story line. **

**Oh and whoever it was…why did you just put 'you'?**

**Peace outties homeskiwaz!**

**!Toxic!**


	3. Squee!

**ANNOUNCMENT! **

**I have decided to change the back-story a bit ….alex's mom was kidnapped !(1)! Year ago…that's ONE in case you didn't catch it the first time….. and I'm really sorry that it took so long….i wrote this really long and totally awesome chapter and my computer crashed so I lost EVERYTHING! And it took me awhile to rewrite it……so yea I'm sorry and I'll try to update in a week or two. I'm going out of town for a little while so I don't know when I'll have the time…. **

**Enjoy!**

**Chapter3: Squee!**

Jodie and Alex had just pulled up in the driveway when their friend, Rachel, walked up to their new truck.

"What's up with the new wheels?"

Jodie was the one to answer. "Ok, Ok, get this. Mrs. Summer bought us a truck!"

"You have got to be kidding me?"

"Nope. She said she won a few million from the lottery." Alex said.

"Gotta love it..." Rachel looked up and down the truck.

"I know right?" Jodie beamed.

"So has your dad said if you could come?" Alex asked Rachel.

Rachel looked to the ground. "Yea, he said no."

"Damnit! I can't believe…" Alex stopped when she noticed Rachel smiling. "You little bitch! I should beat you for that." Alex started to get out of the truck and Rachel took off.

"I'm just gonna go get my bags! I'll be back in ten minutes tops."

"Hey is Lauren coming?" Alex looked to Jodie. "No fighting in the truck."

"No, she said something about me ruining it because I would make you kill any guy near her…or something like that."

"I wonder why?" Alex said.

"I know right?"

"Alright, go get your bags!" They both got out of the car and went into the house. Alex went to the kitchen and Jodie went upstairs.

"Hey girls, you're home early." Mr. Max was washing the dishes.

"Yea, Mrs. Lynn let us out early." Alex got an apple off of the counter. "She also bought us a Lincoln Navigator."

"I know."

"What?"

"She told me."

"Oh, okay."

"Is Rachel going with you?"

"Yea, she's getting her bags now."

"Good, get me the phone. I need to tell them that there'll be an extra guest."

"Alright, cool." Alex handed him the phone and walked upstairs to get her bags.

"Hey Jo, are you ready to go?" Jodie was lying on her bed with Chico and Bridget.

"I'm gonna miss them. They're like our kids." Jodie was starting to tear up.

"I know me too." Alex looked around the room in contemplation. "Did you check out the back of the Navi?"

"No there was like a curtain and I was too distracted with the radio. Why?"

"Come on, bring Chico… I got Bridget."

"Okay."

**ASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASAS**

Alex and Jodie had just walked outside and opened the back passenger side door. It had obviously been altered. There was only one big seat in the very back, it had purple carpet, and Gir was all over the place.

"Squee!"

"Jodie, what the fuck is squee?"

"Shut up."

"Okay, the bags are already out here so just let Chico and Bridget go. We'll pack up the truck and then we'll go find them." Jodie started to protest but was cut off, "Don't argue."

"Fine, Miss Bitch."

"That's right, and don't you forget it."

"Whatevs, let's just pack up the truck real quick so we can get going."

"Yes, let's."

"Hey ya'll. I'm back."

"Oh, hey Rachel. Help us, get this shit loaded in the back." Alex walked to the very back of the truck, and opened up the latch.

"You got it."

**ASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASAS**

"Bye, Sweeties!"

"Bye, Mrs. Max!"

"So, what are we going to do now?"

"Jodie, has anyone ever told you how stupid you can be?" Alex took her eyes off of the road to look at Jodie.

"…ass."

"Whatevs." A few minutes passed before Alex broke the silence. "So I'll drive until I get tired and then Jodie will drive…"

"And I'll drive after Jodie."

"Right. So Jodie, take a nap. I don't want you to be too tired to drive."

"Sir, yes Sir!." Jodie stepped over Rachel, opened up the curtain, and went to lie down.

Five minutes later…..

"I swear she falls asleep on cue." Rachel looked back at Jodie in disbelief.

"I know right?"

"Yea…So how are you doing?"

"Oh, the same… Maybe a bit worse..."

"I'm really sorry."

"…for what? It's not your fault."

"Actually it is." Alex looked to Rachel with a confused look on her face. "I don't know if you remember, but I was supposed to pick you and your mom up that night. We were supposed to go shopping and out to dinner. Your mom's car was in the shop so I was going to borrow my mom's van." She paused, "But I decided that getting high was more important." Rachel started to tear up. "I'm so sorry. If I could go back…"

"Don't worry about it, okay? What happened… happened. There's nothing anyone could have done about it. Not even me."

"Still I…"

"Just please…I really don't want to talk about it. This is meant to be a fun filled vacation, and that's what it'll be."

"Okay." Rachel started looking around but got bored after a few seconds. "So who are we staying with? Tell me about them."

"Umm, Mrs. Max's cousin; everyone calls him Sandy. His wife Kirsten, who is totally awesome and his son, Seth, who grabbed me between the legs last time we met; he was extremely drunk. Oh and I almost forgot, they adopted this dude named Ryan. He's our age and apparently he's gotten in some trouble; burned down a house or something."

"Well damn…" Rachel was cut off by the sound of The Doors coming from Alex's cell phone.

"Answer that please."

Rachel picked up Alex's cell phone and put it to her ear. "Hello?"

"_**Hello, I need to speak to Alex please." **_

"Hey Lexi, some guy wants to talk to you. His name didn't show up. Different area code too."

"Alright give it here." Rachel passed the phone to Alex. "Hello. May I ask who's calling?"

"_**Hello Alex, this is Sandy. I was wondering if you could do me a favor."**_

"Sure, whatcha need?"

"**_Seth, Ryan, and one of their friends were in New Orleans helping clean things up, and their car was basically gutted. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind picking them up?"_**

"I guess we could. Just give me Seth's number that way I can have a way to get in touch with them."

"_**His phone was in the car so I'll just give you Summer's."**_

"Who's Summer?"

"_**She's the friend that went with them."**_

"Oh, okay. So what's the number?"

"**_1-706-316-5454. Got it?"_** Alex relayed the number to Rachel who wrote it down.

"I got it. Thanks."

"**_You're perfectly welcome. About how long until you get there, tomorrow or the next day?"_**

"We'll be there tonight. I don't plan on stopping for a while. In-fact it'll probably be just a few hours; five maybe six."

"**_Great! That's great! They'll be so happy to know that. I'll call them and let them know."_**

"Tell them I'll call them in about an hour. I need to find out exactly where they are…or where they will be I guess."

"_**You got it. Bye."**_

"Bye." Alex closed her phone and tossed it to Rachel. "We'll be taking a detour."

"Why?"

"We need to pick up Seth, Ryan, and their friend Summer."

"Oh, okay. Where at?"

"New Orleans."

**ASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASASAS**

About four hours later they were at a Mickey D's because Jodie woke up hungry.

"I think I should probably call them now. I meant to call them earlier but I kinda forgot."

"Call who?" Jodie had yet to be told what was going on.

"Rachel, tell her what's going on while I call them." While Rachel briefed Jodie, Alex called Summer.

"_**Hello?"**_

"Hello, is this Summer?"

"_**Yea, who's this?"**_

"My name is Alex. I'm supposed to be pickin' ya'll up and takin' ya home."

"_**Finally!...Wait who is this?"**_

"My name is Alex…"

"_**No…like why are you picking us up? Who are you? Not name…description."**_

"I'm a friend of a friend of a friend."

"_**That clears so much up."**_

"I know. So where will ya'll be? We'll be there in about an hour."

"**_About damn time; Guys are just too much. We'll be in a warehouse on Bainbridge Avenue. There'll be a hot brunette, a geek, and a blonde, very gay, yet straight, guy out front."_**

"I'm sure I can find you. How much stuff do you have with you?"

"_**I have nothing. The guys have their entire wardrobe."**_

"Why don't you have anything?"

"**_Someone thought it would be funny apparently. They stole all of my stuff that was in the car, except for my CDs, and left Seth's and Ryan's."  
_**

"I'm sure I can find you something to wear."

"_**Thank you."**_

"Alright, well, we'll be there in about an hour."

"_**Alright, later..."**_

"Bye."

**Constructive criticisms are appreciated…hell, any kind of review would be GREAT!**

**Much love**

**!Toxic!**


	4. CoinOperated Boy

**Author's Note: I apologize for the wait, but hopefully this chapter will make it all better. Thanks a bunches to all of those who reviewed. I love reviews and I hope to see MANY more!!!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Dresden Dolls or their music. **

**Chapter 4: Coin-Operated Boy**

Alex stepped out of the truck to greet Seth, Ryan, and…

"She's asleep in the warehouse. She said to wake her up when you got here...can we leave her here?" Ryan was growing tired of Summer's bitching.

"I'll go get her. Jodie, Rachel, help them get situated."

"You got it boss!" Rachel saluted her. Alex rolled her eyes.

Alex walked into the warehouse and immediately noticed the sound of tears. Summer was sitting on a cot, with her head in her hands…just bawling. Alex hated seeing girls cry; she grew up having to be as strong as the boys. No crying allowed. She had no idea how to handle these situations.

Alex sat down on the cot next to Summer and put her arm around her. Summer immediately went to wipe her eyes but when she noticed that it wasn't Seth or Ryan she just stopped.

"It's okay you can keep crying." Summer chuckled as soon as Alex said it.

"I don't know you well enough to cry in front of you, Alex?"

"Yea, nice to meet you," A few minute passed before Alex spoke again. "What's wrong?"

"I really don't know you well enough," Alex gave her a pout. "I just realized that the only picture I had of my mom was with my stuff. It was really old but I haven't seen her in forever so I didn't have another one. I know…it's stupid."

"I would say I'm sorry but I know that it wouldn't help. And anything worth crying about…is not stupid."

"Thanks."

"No problem." Alex smiled and rubbed Summer's back.

"I expected you to be different…" Summer glanced at Alex's clothing; no doubt the pants were from Hot Topic.

Alex rolled her eyes, "I don't like labels so whatever word just came to your mind…don't say it. I hate it when people say that I'm gothic or whatever; which I'm not. Black and purple just suit me really well. Plus chains and handcuffs can come in handy." Summer giggled.

"Dress however you want. I promise not to think any less of you." Alex smiled and grabbed Summer's hand.

"Let get going, they probably think we're having some "fun" in here." Alex smiled at the dirty thought that popped in her head…and immediately noticed Summer smile back at her; too bad she didn't realize Summer was thinking the same thing.

When they exited the warehouse they were greeted by Jodie who immediately looked pointedly at their conjoined hands.

"Oh, sorry," They spoke at the same time.

"Hey, Alex?" Summer whispered so no one else would hear.

"Yea?"

"Do you think I could sit up front with you? I don't want to be near the guys right now."

"Of course," Alex gave Summer a big smile.

"Where is everyone sitting, Lexi?"

"Summer's up front with me; she deserves a break from the guys. Everyone else in the back…find a spot."

The guys walked over to the Navigator and opened the side door.

"HOLY SHIT!" Ryan screamed and ran from the truck with an pit bull close behind.

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

"So, Alex, what's it's name?"

"The pit or the husky?"

"Umm…uh…both." The dogs looked like they were going to chew Ryan to bits.

"The pit is Chico and the husky is Bridget."

"Why did you name your dog Bridget?" Summer asked.

"I named her after Bridget in Ginger Snaps. I plan on getting a Siberian husky and naming her Ginger."

"Oh my God! I love those movies! Most people think I'm this chick flick addict but there's nothing better than…"

"WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP FUCKING BABBLING?" Ryan screamed at Summer. "I'm getting tired of your fucking voice!"

Alex pulled over.

Alex got out of the truck.

Alex opened the side door.

Alex pulled Ryan OUT of the truck.

Alex shut the door.

Alex started screaming at Ryan…

"What is your problem? You don't have the right to scream at her!"

"She has been nothing but a whiney bitch this entire trip!" Ryan dared a look into Alex's eyes and was, surprisingly, able to hold his ground. "You don't know her well enough to defend her sluttish-self anyway!"

"Wow…You are such a fucking queen." Alex laughed and started to walk back to the driver's side, but turned around when she remembered something. "There's one thing I want you to remember: I don't have a damn problem leaving you on the side of the highway in the desert." She smiled and they both got back in the truck.

"Hey Jodie…"

"Yea?"

"Wanna take over? I'm kinda sleepy."

"You know it."

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

Everyone in the truck was asleep except for Jodie and Summer. They both sat up front.

"So…are you and Alex...like together?"

"No, not in any way whatsoever…"

"Cool…She is gay right?"

"Very much so."

"She's single?"

"How about, I just tell you that she IS interested in you." Jodie smiled as she switched lanes.

"That works…"

"But I don't think you should go for her…"

"Why not? You said she was interested…" Summer looked extremely confused.

"Because she could never truly love you like you might want her too. You would never be the first thought to enter her mind every morning. She will only be in love with one person for the rest of her life."

"Who?" Summer looked a tad heartbroken.

"Alex…"

"She doesn't seem very self-centered."

"She's not. Alex is a completely different person."

"Huh?"

"I tell you what. You can pursue Alex, and eventually you'll find out."

"Umm…okay."

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

"Jodie, I wanna drive again." Alex said as she popped her head through the curtain.

"Let me pull over…"

"YAY!"

(They have already switched back)

"Hey Autumn…"

"My name is Summer," Alex smiled.

"I like Autumn better. 'Tis the perfect season." They both smiled.

"Okay. What did you want?"

"Hand me those CDs please. Thank you." Alex pulled out a CD and put it in.

"Turn that circus shit off!"

"Remember what I said Queeny!" Ryan quickly shut his mouth.

"Sing with me Rachel!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"Remember that time when…"

"FINE!" Rachel soon appeared through the curtain. She sat on Jodie's lap, who sat between Alex and Summer on the floor."

"Coin-Operated boy

Sitting on the shelf

He is just a toy

But I turn him on

And he comes to life

Automatic joy

That is why I want a coin operated boy

Made of plastic and elastic

He is rugged and long lasting

Who could ever, ever ask for more

Love without complications galore

Many shapes and weights to chose from

I may never leave my bedroom

I will never cry at night again

Wrap my arms around him and pretend

Coin operated boy "

"That was the most perverted song I have ever heard."

"That's about to change."

"Why do you say that?"

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

(after listening to First Orgasm)

"This band is fucking awesome! Who are they?"

"The Dresden Dolls." Jodie answered. "Alex will just start singing one of their songs every now and then. One time, she burst into song during our final exams."

"What song was it?" Summer asked with a smile.

"It was Coin-Operated Boy." Everyone started laughing.

"I seriously did NOT mean to start singing. It just happened."

"Yea, right. You just wanted to see what would happen." Jodie replied.

"Your point being?"

"That you are a complete and total social-idiot."

"What the hell does that mean?" Summer asked.

"Just think about it and you'll figure it out."

"Where are we?"

"Rachel, you really should start paying attention. We just entered Texas."

**That's all folks. Tune in for the next installment…..might be a few days. Might be a few weeks. **

**Love,**

**!Toxic!**


End file.
